generic

Bethany likes to buy generic items from the store. I’ve learned to tolerate most of it, but there’s a few things that I’ll never get used to. For instance, if I wanted generic Lucky Charms in the morning, I’d just assume buy a box of colored chalk and eat a stick on my way in to work each day. But calling it cereal? That’s got to be criminal. And don’t even get me started on potato chips or Target brand razors.

Anyway, Bethany has been buying me Target branded mouthwash recently and I decided to take a look at the back of the bottle while I was swishing away. Here’s what the bottle says:

“Directions: Rinse or gargle for 30 seconds with one ounce of this product. Do not swallow.”

Sounds easy right? Well, it continues…

“The invigorating taste of the product tells you it’s killing germs that cause bad breath. Its minty taste tells you how minty fresh your breath can be.”

What? Did a 3rd grader write this? So “minty” equals “minty fresh” and “invigorating” means “killing germs”. What? Since when does mouthwash have two tastes? And someone please tell me what “invigorating” tastes like!

Yet it continues.

“Use this product and have confidence to get kissably close.”

Again, who writes this? I can understand this language for an advertisement for this product, but as a part of the directions? Besides, “kissably” isn’t even a word. Newsflash to the person who wrote the back label: Talk to the person who designed the front. Underneath the Target logo and the title “mouthwash and gargle” is a two point purpose for this product. 1) Kills germs and 2)Freshens breath. There is no 3) Makes user kissable (which IS a word). And don’t command me to use your product. I don’t like being bossed around and having confidence forced upon me.

Look, if you are so dense that you don’t realize that you shouldn’t get “kissably close” to someone when you have bad breath, you probably can’t read anyway.

I suppose generic products means generic labels. I just noticed that the front also says “Compare to Scope Original Mint”. Hmmm, so what does Scopes label say according to Amazon.com?

“Scope kills millions of bad breath germs. Scope Mouthwash’s minty tingle gets your breath clean and fresh. Use Scope for the confidence to get closer.”

See, you crazy generic mouthwash people? That’s how you write a label. Tell us why we need it (see first sentence). Tell us why we should use it (see second sentence). And tell us why we can’t live without it (see last sentence).

And now I am done rambling/ranting.

Author: erik

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1 Comment

  1. I found this very entertaining.

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