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On my way into work today I experienced today’s Traffic Tuesday rant. I don’t recall my speed, (I expect I was going a few miles/hour over the limit) but suddenly a lady in a silver minivan decided to move from the inside left lane to the outside right lane in front of me. She didn’t quite cut me off, but I did have to tap the brakes a few times to keep a safe distance from her.

It’s a good thing I’m such a good, safe, defensive driver.

Almost as soon as she was fully in my lane, her blinker turned on (it wasn’t on prior to this) to signify that she was turning right in the upcoming Dominick’s parking lot. The parking lot that she should have been signaling for in the right lane before she got in front of me. At this point, I had to quickly slow down as she made the turn in front of me.

These traffic situations completely baffle me. So to understand (i.e. rationalize) such insane behavior, I’ve come up with some possible explanations:

• Option 1: Soccer mom obsessed with soccer to the point that driving becomes an extension of the eternal soccer game in her mind. This woman is simply driving her car as though she is playing an automotive version of the game. Pulling in front of me and turning into the parking lot is really her way of stealing the ball and making a breakaway for the goal. This is done with the screams and cheers of Park District soccer moms everywhere echoing in her head. The play is finished when she cuts off a handicap person in order to park and then runs around the minivan several times yelling, “Gooooooaaaaaaaal!”
• Option 2: I can only imagine that there was a sale at the grocery store that this woman just couldn’t wait another 10 seconds for. There are only two things that could elicit such nonsensical behavior from someone: chocolate and $.25 pop. First, chocolate. Women everywhere are known for losing all rational thought when it comes to this magical and enchanting substance. As I drove past this woman (while utilizing my horn) I did not see any evidence of foaming at the mouth, so I can safely assume that chocolate was not on sale today. This leaves me to believe that there were reports that the $.25 generic pop machine outside the store had recently been restocked. Everyone knows that these wonderful machines are actually instruments of despair. It’s a proven fact that these machines are filled exactly never percent of the time. This poor woman probably heard that it had been filled through an email with the title “Fwd: Dominick’s fills pop machines, just buy one and Bill Gates will give you his fortune and help find this missing child.” Since email is always accurate and Bill Gates is so rich, it’s understandable that this woman lost all sense of rational thought.
• Option 3: While listening to her Dominick’s scanner (like a Police Scanner, but a device solely created to eaves dropping on the famous grocery store’s announcements) this woman heard “Cleanup on aisle 7″. Since seven is the perfect number and cleanups are always on aisle 6, this woman realized that this special announcement signified that the spill must have been in the shape of the Virgin Mary. In her desire to make millions on selling admission to seeing the sacred site, she jumps into her van to stake her claim on this blessed event. She therefore had to pass me, just in case I had been listening on my scanner (a gift everyone has gotten from their imaginary friend) and was on my way to the same location ahead of her.

I’ve been working with Jr. High and High School students for over ten years now. I’ve always known that adolescence is a difficult time, but sometimes I’m reminded of just how gross teenage guys can be. This past week in Detroit I slept in a gymnasium filled with them. Here are just a few of my observations:

1. Nasty food habits

• During breakfast one morning I glanced over where the cereal was located. I noticed a guy begin to pour his milk and proceed to spill a sizable amount on the table. He paused for just a moment, looked at the spill, then finished filling his bowl and left the mess. I suppose his mommy cleans up after him. Nasty.
• Then about five minutes later I spied another milk spill. This time it was on the floor, next to a sleeping bag containing a student. His head was about two inches from the mess. This led to the ant invasion later. Nasty.
• There was opened food everywhere. If we were in the forest, we would have been overrun by raccoons in seconds.

2. Unhygienic hygiene.

• One afternoon I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and saw a river of water coming out from under the door leading into the showers. I went in to investigate and discovered that two guys were showering in at least two inches of their own filth and all they had to do was unclog the drain.
• Later that same day I left the bathroom and saw two toothbrushes lying on the gym floor just outside the bathroom doors.
• Two words: Axe Showers

3. Lack of social graces

• There were two sweaty, smelly guys who thought it was helpful if they showed of their manliness by wrestling with each other. They kept losing their grips on each other because they were sweating so much.
• Two kids brought a huge (at least four foot tall) air mattress and decided it would be fun to jump on it over and over and over again. Each time I heard the “whoomp!” of their bodies hitting that thing I secretly hoped it would pop.
• I came back to the gym one day and found my sleeping back wet. I told myself it was water only. That’s because I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear it if the wetness was caused by the Dynamic Sweating Duo from #1 rolling onto it during one of their “man shows.”

I spent the last several days in Detroit, Michigan (Highland Park, to be specific) with 15 others from our youth ministry. We joined with several other churches to assist Revival Tabernacle in reaching out to their local community during an event called War Week. Revival Tabernacle is located by 6 Mile, just minutes from 8 Mile, made famous by Eminem. Ironically, another movie was being filmed this past week about two blocks from where we were working. Clint Eastwood is making another Dirty Harry movie and unfortunately, security kept us from seeing anything exciting. But now I’m getting off topic….back to what we did the past several days.

Each morning we received teaching from one of my heroes, Winkie Pratney. I read his book, Youth Aflame as a freshman in high school and it radically changed my life. It was great being able to be around him and learn from someone who had such a profound impact on my life as a teenager.

In the afternoons, we armed ourselves with shovels, rakes and weed whackers in order to clean up the alleys of Highland Park. Our group did a phenomenal job clearing underbrush, picking up trash and sweeping debris out of the way. I’m so proud of our students and the hard work they put into our project.

Friday was the highlight of the trip. After spending the last two days sweating and cleaning the alley, we were able to mingle with the people we were serving by holding a block party. We gave out hot dogs, played games and had an inflatable jumping house for the kids. It was a blast and our students a great job. As a youth pastor, it’s exciting to see students breaking out of their comfort zones in order to minister to people in need. The image to the left is of one of the first kids to get into the inflatable. He was squealing with delight. The picture doesn’t begin to capture the sheer joy on his face.

The week was a huge success. I believe we participated in some meaningful ministry to the people of Highland Park. But it was great for us as well. This was the first experience many of our students have had with missions and they’re already looking forward to our next trip.

I’ll post the highlight videos whenever they are made available to me. You can see some of our pictures here at our flickr page.

You can find out more information at warweek.com.